"Batless" Fresh Cut Walks all over UNUM, 19-7

Home plate eluded Unum hurlers all night as Fresh Cut batsmen dodged called strikes and avoided swinging at garbage "curveballs", drawing countless walks while topping insurance giant Unum 19-7. Travis Meek again provided fireworks with a towering bomb to left, and Don Couture's timely swats proved pivotal in a seven run 4th. Gavin McCarthy toed the rubber for yet another win, though Fresh Cut faithful have started a bottle drive to buy the hurler a new pair of pants.

Two Fresh Cut runners were cut down with malice at home plate, including Mark Bower (thwarting a home run effort) and Josh Thompson on an ill-advised sprint home. Rumor has it that the command to turn for home came from the Fresh Cut bench, rather than the fingered base coach at the time.

Not lost on this columnist is the pure irony of beating a team using their own bats. Truant gamer Lucus "Too Busy" Ritchie forgot to equip the visiting Fresh Cut crew with the carbon nanotube technology that has been integral to Fresh Cut dominance. Ritchie's agent released a statement saying he was "too busy with work" to drive the bats to the game, however an anonymous insider in the Ritchie camp remarked that "well, that Riverton field is just to f---ing far". In the end, Unum lent the hometown pride three bats - two of which were dead and dented - putting Lucus in a position of near permanent ridicule. Fortunately for Fresh Cut - and for Senor Ritchie - hits flowed from the third bat like jello shots at the Halloween party, turning a potential loss and lifetime of "too busy" jokes into a solid W.

Fresh Cut looks to continue their winning ways Monday night at Payson.

Tonight's lineup: July 16

Dromgoole dh/2b
McCarthy p
Meek lcf
Smith 3b
Couture 2b/dh
Vigue lf
Thompson c
Loubier rcf
Pottle ss (Doucette)
Bower 1b
Aromando rf

Tsunami's Trip up Fresh Cut, 9-8

I wasn't even at this game and I am infuriated and embarrassed that the Fresh Cut juggernaut fell incomprehensibly to the trucker-hat toting men in ca-ca brown, The Tsunamis, again with last at-bats and again by one run. I do not know nor to I want to know exactly what happened except to say that there will be some serious playoff-time reckoning if and when the Tsunami's wash ashore again. If there is any truth to the patently offensive rumor that the knucklesoft once again silenced the nano-tech laced bats of the Fresh Cut crew, I swear I will tear off an un-mustachioned rant like those heard in softball days of yore, one that will carry from the confines of Payson park to the hinterlands of Riverton field.

F the Tsunamis. Vengence will be ours.

Fresh Cut Defense Smokes B&M, 10-3

Interim Fresh Cut skipper Lucus Ritchie cobbled together a magical line-up at the plate and in the field as the Fresh Cut juggernaut dispatched outgunned B&M 10-3 in just under an hour at Riverton Wednesday night to improve to 9-1 on the year. Pitcher Josh Thompson barely broke the 90 pitch mark in seven masterful innings, inducing grounder after grounder to the left side of the Fresh Cut infield, and timely early batwork paced the mowing men in green to an early 8 run lead that proved to be more than enough. The most noteworthy plate performance occurred in the fifth inning when Lucus Ritchie drew his first slo-pitch walk in at least three seasons.

But the story of the night was defense, as corner minder Brad Smith and shortstop John Pottle gobbled up one and two hoppers all night for easy outs, but the defensive gem of the night - perhaps of the season - occurred when Pottle ranged to short right field for a spectacular diving, backhanded catch to end the top of the fourth, eliciting gasps of amazement and awe from the B&M faithful.

The only disappointment for the Fresh Cut Crew was the lack of fan support, with only the stalwart Doucette family showing off their forest green pride on what was a spectacular night for softball. Next week's Lucus Ritchie bearded bobblehead giveaway and Join Spud Wright in Right Night should put butts in the seats, but the Fresh Cut brass harbor serious concerns about an eroding fan base. Fans are reminded that a limited supply of bearded bobbleheads (real hair!) are available, and that Spud can only take so much love in right. Be judicious, if not prudent, regarding your expectations for either special "alone time" with Spud or a bobbling Lucus Ritchie head.

RE: Game 10 lineup

Lineup vs. B&M: July 2
Seth C

Spud RF

Travis LCF

Lucus 1B

George 2B

Brad 3B

Vigue LF

Jack RCF

Thompson P

Pottle SS

LEAGUE STANDINGS

http://mainer2008.tripod.com/id15.html

Fresh Cut skunk-rules umlaut laden Unum

The Fresh Cut gang took to the Riverton diamond against Unum only to witness the umlaut-laden insurance peddlers jump out to a quick 4-0 lead by the top of the 1st. Several profanity laced tirades about the garish royal blue Unum jerseys were barely kept under wraps through four innings before the real mowing began and Fresh cut struck for a near dozen in the 5th to skunk the city's largest employer, 18-6.

Future barrister John Pottle - boasting a half dozen festering knee sores from multiple dives at hot shots into the hole at short - patiently drew a natural hat trick worth of walks, nearly staging a free-pass coup-d'etat and tearing the team walk lead away from starting pitcher Gavin McCarthy. McCarthy improved to 5 - 0 despite a plate performance described by a local beat writer as "akin to Helen Keller with a groin pull".

On the positive side, wooden bat pioneer Jon Aromondo deftly swatted a pair of solid liners to pop his average well north of the Mendoza line, and Mark Bower went "the other way" on an inside out swing for a graceful Ty Cobb-ian double while collecting a trio of solid hits.

Unum's collective defensive guffawing aided the Fresh Cut cause, but even error free ball from the defending league champions would only have netted several more stat-padding at bats for the Fresh Cut regulars.

Game 8 lineup

Smith 3b
Wright rf
McCarthy p
Meek lcf
Couture 2b
Vigue lf
Aromando rcf
Lombard dh
Pottle ss
Thompson c
Bower 1b

Loubier for Aromando in the 4th. Dromgoole for someone when and if he can make it.

Lawn Franchises Collide in Wednesday Duel

Fans turned out in droves to watch Coastal Lawn Care drop a heartbreaker to the Fresh Cut juggernaut by the score of 14-9 on Wednesday night at Payson Park. The Fresh Cut crew jumped out to a quick 9-0 lead, but the Coastal team mowed and hedged their way back to make the game a nailbiter late. Travis Meek once again provided some Fresh Cut fireworks, launching a three run Sputnick-esque satellite in the 2nd inning, and Josh Thompson kept Coastal batters off balance with his special brand of fireballing from the hill.

Controversy loomed when the Coastal shortstop protested a graceful sweep tag of a relay thrown while sliding into 3rd base in the 5th inning. Roaring expletives at an outrageous decibel level did not sway the men in blue, and the put-out stands in the statbook as an assist for dish-minder Gavin McCarthy (3-3, 2 Triples, walk)

Fresh Cut looks to continue their winning ways versus insurance behemouth Unum, the team with by far the most ludicrous corporate logo, at Riverton next Wednesday.

6/11 - 7:15 @ The Confines of Payson Park

Lineup innings 1-3 (we'll change in the 3rd if we mercy rule them)

McCarthy p
Doucette ss
Meek lcf
Ritchie 1b
Smith 3b
Couture 2b
Dromgoole rcf
Vigue lf
Thompson c
Bower rf
Aromando dh

Lineup innings 4-6:
Wright rf
Pottle ss
Meek lcf
Ritchie 1b
Lombard 3b
Couture 2b
Dromgoole rcf
Vigue lf
Thompson p
Bower c
Aromando dh
Inning 7 TBD.

Fresh Cut dominates Payson Park drizzlefest

An hour and ten minutes was all it took for Fresh Cut Properties to smush overmatched Startac in a constant drizzle in Payson Park. Startac bats flailed at Gavin McCarthy's lofted horsehides all night, but managed few hits and only 6 runs over 7 innings. The Fresh Cut crew played without the murderer's row of Ritchie, Doucette and Meek, but still plated enough runs to kick Startac into orbit.

"Knucklesoft" dents Fresh Cut Pride

A starchy breeze to right field failed to advance the Fresh Cut cause versus arch nemesis The Tsunamis at sundrenched Kiley Field Wednesday night. Pitcher Josh Thompson skybombed and sneak-attacked the Tsunami batsmen all night, keeping them significantly off balance, only to suffer a hard luck loss. Some freakishly clutch Tsunami hitting, including an unbelieveable 2-run triple to right by their elderly mustachioned knucklesoft pitcher, combined with not-so-clutch Fresh Cut batwork to doom the men in green, 17 to 16.

Evening highlights included the steller moundwork of Josh Thompson, who struck out two (one looking!) and walked few. Travis Meek clocked his 2nd homer of the year and Brad Smith (3-3, 4R, 4RBI) hit his inaugural dong, a two run moonball. Both homers came in the fourth inning, and both with two outs. County duo Lucus Ritchie (3-3, 4R) and Spud Wright (3-3, 2RBI) each provided solid efforts at the dish, while Randy "water soluble" Lubier debuted at catcher going 2-3. Unfortunately the bottom half of the Fresh Cut juggernaut was baffled by the lazy "knuckesoft" all night and went a combined (and downright puzzling) 1 for 12. Rumor has it they were all distracted by the mustache.

Fresh Cut looks to regroup next Wednesday versus Startac at Payson. June 4 is team photo night, the first 10 fans in attendance receive an autographed Fresh Cut team picture.

Game 4 lineup

Doucette ss
Meek lcf
Ritchie 1b
Smith 3b
Wright rf
Couture 2b
Vigue lf
Thompson p
Lombard rcf
Bower dh
Loubier c

Pottle?

Loub getting punished for missing the first three games takes over catching duties during Thompson's debut. Kindly beat the hell out of the Tsunamis, which many of you may remember is the team that released Travis, Lucus, George and me in favor of four guys who aren't as good just because I told them they all played like sissy girls.

Fresh Cut cans B&M

Game 3. The bats were picante once again as FCP scored 27 runs, with an exclamation point provided by Jack Lombard’s deep home run down the left field line. In place to win by the dog-eared mercy rule, the FCP gloves suddenly went dead in the 4th inning, which was extended when Bower “misjudged” a fly ball to RCF that flew over his head and under the fence, allowing countless Frijoles to score. There was some speculation that this gaffe was due not to the fact that he is a poor fielder (which he is), but rather that he is morally opposed to the 12-run mercy rule (or that he simply wanted another at-bat). His attempts were ultimately foiled, as the umpire called the game after the sixth due to FCP’s 16-run advantage. The gloves returned for a 1-2-3 bottom of the 6th -- an excellent (albeit ironic) way to end the evening at Riverton. Final score, 27-11.

Game recap?

Anybody who was at last nights' game vs. B&M feel free to write it up.
It's important for the sake of history.